Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
