Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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