I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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