People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
