Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
