we're chasing vodka with high fives
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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