I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
