I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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