I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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