Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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