I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
