My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just pee around me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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