I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
