South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
