Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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