we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
