He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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