I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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