did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
