She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
