I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
