Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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