tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
