Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
