best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
