i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
