No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
