Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
