Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
420 ftw
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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