I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
