Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize