enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
