idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
