So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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