Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
