3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
