Walk of Shame. In a state park.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
