Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
