I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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