Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
