I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
