Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
COCAINE IS GR8
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
