She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
