and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
50% drunk capacity currently
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
