This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
