my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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