We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
