kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
