Nicole vs. Life
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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