fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
