there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
