I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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