I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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