sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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