Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
