shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize