Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize