Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
