i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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