his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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