Sry I called you an 8
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
