Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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