Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
