no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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