Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize