the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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