I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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